The Fertility Bubble: Where have all the good men gone?

I was talking to a single, childless 29-year old woman the other day, and she told me that she thought her standards would lower as she ages, but she’s found exactly the opposite. As she went down her laundry-list of “must have” mantributes, I started wondering why a woman’s expectations would increase as her attractiveness decreases. It seems almost as if nature has played a cruel joke on women.

It’s well known that men are naturally attracted to fertile young women, and female fertility fades with time. It’s of no surprise that men of all ages find women in their early to mid 20s the most attractive. Why? Because this is an optimal age for having children. A preference for highly fertile young women is hardwired in the male brain. It is a product of natural selection. But if men lose sexual interest in women as they age, shouldn’t women lower their standards accordingly? No. Evolution would still favor older women who make good genetic decisions late in their fertility.

You see, it’s just like chasing any other deadline. When your deadline is in the distant future, you don’t care. You fuck around, piddle-paddle on facebook, throw your legs up on the desk, whatever. As the deadline approaches you start to get a little worried. In the last few hours before the deadline you work like a madman to makeup for lost time because the stakes are far higher.

When a woman is 18, she can make a bad genetic decision because she has another 20 or so years to produce viable progeny. As her fertility window closes the stakes become higher and higher. She can no longer fuck around and get knocked up by some loser. The deadline is nearing, and she may only have one or two shots left, and thus they have to be good shots. Fuck, they have to be as perfect as possible.

As women age, their fertility decreases. Similarly, male attraction to her decreases.

As a woman ages, her fertility decreases. Thus, male attraction to her decreases.

Even as a woman ages and becomes less attractive, natural selection has still wired her to behave in her best interest. Her moribund fertility might result in fewer second looks, but natural selection has honed her to seek out the highest quality sperm possible, regardless. In hunter-gatherer days, gaining access to that sperm might have been a bit easier. A simple petition to a tribal leader might have been all that was required. However, modern “tribal leaders” have to worry about 18 years of child support, pissing their wife off, etc. So the type of high quality alpha sperm that these women wish to fertilize her dying womb are usually just not an option. This tends to be about the time these women start publically lamenting, “where have all the good men gone?”

Christian Rudder wrote a nice article on why men should date older women. His argument seems to center around the fact that many women are still attractive in their 30s. I completely agree that they’re still somewhat attractive, but you’re still faced with the reality of their limited fertility and the previously mentioned unrealistic expectations. Many women in their 30s already have kids, and they don’t want anymore. Rather, they usually just want an addition hand and paycheck to devote toward the fitness of her existing progeny, although she would never admit this. Devoting your income to another man’s seed, while having no such offspring yourself, is an extremely effective way to remove yourself from the gene pool. It’s a great way to support the DNA fitness of another man, some of whom are deadbeat dads. That’s why men are hesitant to date older women and single mothers; they simply don’t have as much to offer as young, fertile, childless women.

Additionally, Mr. Rudder argues that 30-something women are more sexual, including more open to casual sex. A casual observer may think this will make these women more desirable, but it doesn’t. A woman with several decades of promiscuous sex under her belt is likely to remain promiscuous after marriage. In other words, the more partners she racks up before you, the more likely she is to continue racking up partners after you put a ring on her finger. This could mean being cuckolded and unwittingly raising another man’s offspring. It happens more often than people think.

Furthermore, Rudder shows that at 24 the dating pool for both men and women begins to dry up. I’m really not sure why 30-something women think the top quality males are just going to hang around and wait until she’s ready for a late marriage. That’s not the way it works. As the dating pool dries up, the most desirable options are naturally going to be some of the first to go. If a man is in his 30s and is desirable, he has a lot of options and thus will probably follow his evolved instincts and choose a highly fertile woman in her 20s. Therefore, the longer a woman waits the more likely she will have to settle, but ironically the more likely she won’t want to settle.

This is why I avoid dating women who are in their 30s. It’s not because I find them physically repulsive, but because their expectations are incredibly unrealistic for what they have to offer. It’s not their fault nature designed them to be that way, but just as they will act in their own best interest so will men. These women are essentially riding on an ever-expanding fertility bubble that will eventually pop when her uterus finally dries up. It’s of my opinion that men should find a woman in her 20s and fertilize her before these evolved ancient instincts start messing with her brain. Waiting to have children extremely late in life is not natural, and thus I’m not surprised it causes problems.